“I don’t have it all together, and I feel like I am failing my child.”
How many of us have said this to ourselves every single day; every single week? I will admit, I say it to myself, and even to my husband quite often. It does not feel good, but it is the absolute truth. However, I feel like I need to say it out loud and to other moms out there because I think we all feel like this sometimes. We are not perfect, but do we need to be?
What does ‘having it all together’ mean? Does it mean being able to wake up fresh-faced every morning, never losing our cool, always having that magazine-ready smile on our faces, even when we are trying to finish our morning cup of coffee, and our 6 month old just had a diaper explosion all over our favourite t-shirt? Is that what it means? Or does it mean going to the lengths and depths for our children, taking that moment of silence (when you feel your nerves are fraying) so that you won’t scream unnecessarily at them; spending an awkward night on the floor next to a crib, gripping a tiny hand through the bars because that tiny human has had a bad night and won’t fall asleep without the feel of you?
Being a mom is hard; doing what is necessary is harder. We all want our Instagram and Facebook feeds to look like we live our lives between the pages of a magazine, but that isn’t reality. Comparing yourself to that woman on the internet whose children are smiling in each photo and whose house looks always spic and span makes no sense. I guarantee that she has thoughts of not having it all together, just as much as you do. I guarantee that it takes her a million takes to get that one perfect post-able picture, I also guarantee that she is doing all that is in her power to love and protect her babies.
We sacrifice so much and we are forever told we should be ‘more’. We are always told we should do this, not that. But forget it all; drown out the noise and listen to what they want. They want you. You are not failing and you have it all the way together!
When you receive that unprompted ‘I love you’ and hug from a child who cringes every time you even mention affection; you’ve got it all together baby. When you hear, ‘I want to be just like you when I grow up’; you’ve got it all together baby. Don’t stop what you are doing and turn that negative into a positive.
You are not failing because you don’t have an internet perfect life. None of us have it ‘all together’ the way the world expects, and you want to know what? That is ok! Our children don’t need that mommy that can’t or won’t get down in the dirt to play because she needs to look perfect at all times. They need a mommy who is willing to get messy, make mistakes and above all, make memories. You are not failing and you have it all the way together because you give your children all the love in the world. You are not failing, because you are providing not only their wants, but their needs. You are not failing, because they know that you are their protector and provider and the person to go to when the world tries to break them. You are not failing, and you have it all together.