This post has been a long time coming, I have been mulling it around in my head for so long, but after I recently read an article called 10 Things not to say to new moms and I thought, ‘it is time I said my piece’. I have one child (you may have noticed I only speak about one, but just in case you didn’t I only have the one son), and my hubby and I do not plan to have another. We are in what we call ‘the one and done club’ and we are happy to be here because we have so many members and affiliates. However, the One and Done club tend to get nasty looks and scowls and comments galore from some members of the ‘Give me all the babies’ crew, or even the ‘I just want to put my foot in someone else’s business’ crew. I am here to champion the cause for those of us who are happy and our families are complete with one child. I know some people mean well, or are just simply misguided, but please stop making these statements to persons who only have one child.
- One child is no child: Seriously? Seriously? So you are basically telling me my 9 months of pregnancy and hours of (unmedicated) labour and assisted (forceps) delivery didn’t happen and the 5-year-old eating me out of house and home actually doesn’t exist? WOW! Am I in the twilight zone right now? No. I am not. You just need to shut the hell up, or maybe offer to babysit my kid and see if you still think he doesn’t exist after one hour with him.
- Your child NEEDS someone to play with: Ummmm that is what school is for! Also cousins (if they have), but mostly school. Those people he can play with are called friends and I only ever have to feed and entertain them on occasion. I also never have to clothe or educate them so…SCORE! Let me tell you something, I am the last of 6 children and I always felt stifled with there always being someone around. I preferred my friends because then I get to see them in certain situations; also if I had a conflict with them I can simply not see them for a night and all may be well in the morning.
- But he/she would be lonely, don’t you want a friend for your child?: So here is the thing about having siblings…just because you have them does not mean they will automatically become fast friends. Stop believing this idea of the built-in ‘forever friend’ in a sibling. It is a great wish to have but it does not always happen. Loneliness is not banished because you have people around you and in your face 24/7. Also, you can’t make people like each other, not even siblings.
- When are you going for another: Never. Seriously, we talked about this. These little people are expensive to mind and my psychological state is fragile enough to not want to go through another bout of PPD. Spare me; I am sparing the world from overpopulation and what not. Also, I am sparing my sanity and my pockets. If you want a baby to hold and look at; you go right ahead.
- But what would happen when you grow old, who would take care of you?: The idea that we need to create people simply for them to grow up and take care of us in our old age is to me, kind of sick. I literally can’t see that being anything but selfish. If this is where your mind is at, then you aren’t making children because your heart is full of love and you love babies etc etc…you are basically thinking of your future and how the odds would be better in your favour the more children you have. Stop and get an evaluation, please.
I am sure there are a lot more points I can make and statements that you should NEVER utter to someone with one child, but I think you get my point. My advice is comment on how well the child is growing, ask how the mother is coping (yes we are just as overwhelmed as the next parent), or best of all offer to babysit or set up a playdate.