Opening scene: It is after 7 pm, the day is Sunday March 10th, 2019 and L is getting dressed in his Pajamas after having his shower. As he pulls up his pants he asks, ‘Mommy, was I in your belly before I was born?” I answer, ‘Yes, honey’, thinking this would be the end of it. Then he moves on to, ‘But how did I magically get here?’
*record scratch* *gulp*
Was this THE question? Is this happening already?? What the hell am I going to tell him? My logical mind wants to instantly tell him everything, then one voice said, no you probably should just ease him into it, he may be super smart, but he is still 5. Then another voice says, maybe just give him the bare minimum? Also, stall! Stall!!
I look at my husband who was at that time on his cell phone and had somehow not caught the question. I signal to him and he looks up and chuckles and pretends to return to his phone. Uh uh, no you don’t leave me hanging buddy!
So we turn towards L and I start to explain.
Me: ‘Well, remember that Magic School bus episode when Arnold was sent into the chicken egg to show the process of egg fertilisation? Well, it is sort of like that. The mommy has eggs and needs the daddy to fertilise the eggs. If it isn’t fertilised and grows into a human it is destroyed.
L: So we don’t get to eat the eggs like chickens?
Me: No, no, no. For humans unfertilised eggs are destroyed.
Husband:Yes, remember when I explained that once a month mommy doesn’t feel too good and we need to be patient with her?
Husband: Well, that is usually the time when the unfertilised egg is being destroyed and the process can be very painful or uncomfortable.
L: *looks worried*
Husband: Yes, but don’t worry too much, mommy is fine. Also, girls are born with all the eggs they need as well.
L: All the eggs? So when the egg gets fertilised it grows in the mommy’s belly?
Me: Yep, and then when it gets too big for the belly, it has to come out.
L: Does it burst out of you?
Me: Well, not so much burst out, but I had to push you out yes.
L: From your vagina?
Me: Yes, and you were a tiny baby, nice and small and cute.
L: What? I wasn’t a baby! I was this big always!
Husband: hahaha yes, you were a tiny baby once, just like everyone.
L: What? Even grown ups?
Me: Of course! The same way you are growing is the same way we all grow.
L: I didn’t know adults were babies too. I just thought you were always old.
Me: -_- Time to go to bed.
Husband: So are you OK now?
Me: Did we answer your questions?
L: ummhmm. I really only was being silly though when I asked the question. I really thought it was by magic.
Me: Oh, ok. Well, I mean there is more, but we gave you the age-appropriate response. We didn’t want you to be confused.
L: Ok. I am ok. I am not confused. I’m tired, daddy are you putting me to bed now?
I know right? I did not think we would get this question so early (even if he was being silly, I knew there may have been a semblance of curiosity there, which was why we decided to answer). I laughed at it and wrote that exchange right after, saying to my husband after he had put L to sleep last night ‘This one is going on the blog for sure!’ To which he responded, ‘hell yes!’
But yes, a damn month later I have now been able to post due to all the crazy test time stuff for L, more work on my own plate (yay!) and…well…life.
If you guys also have a hilarious ‘first time they asked THAT question’ moment please share!